Sunday, December 4, 2011

waking up....

I know that I've been hiding from this space when my college roommate starts nagging me about it on Facebook.....
Thank you, Kathleen. Point taken.

And so, reader, brace yourself. Or exit forthwith.

"chelliswilson." has been my personal exercise in go-for-broke risk-taking. No matter how large the financial investment, there is nothing more costly or more profound than the decision that one's own voice deserves to be added to the mix, that the moment to speak up has arrived, to look now-or-never in the face.  I often describe "chelliswilson." as a "retail adventure". This stems, largely, from an inability to adequately describe the vision I have in my head.  This space exists to promote beauty as an ideal, present work that I respect, and to be an active part of the ongoing "cultural conversation". We endeavor to surprise and delight, provide a coup de coeur moment with a perfect piece, and to provide a peaceful respite from the daily routine. Business is not my natural habitat. I'd rather watch paint dry than focus on price points and loss leaders. Marketing makes me squeamish. This does not describe my worldview. And that inherent in business is competition which, more often than not, brings out the worst in human creatures---a lack of loyalty, a dearth of generosity, and a tendency toward schadenfreude.  Feeling as I do, I had decided to proceed quietly and diligently, enjoying the breathing room under the radar. And if some critical mass of souls embraced my lofty goals and uncompromising vision, so much the better. The positive responses I've received for the shop, this blog and its offerings, have gratified me more than I can express. Unfortunately, I suffer from a commonplace, yet crippling, psychosocial ailment that has nearly dismantled all I've worked for and created: I care far too much about the opinions and comments of others. A sinister combination of fear and fragility of ego insinuated its foot into my path and nearly sent me hurtling toward the pavement. "chelliswilson." has been dealt a blow. An all-encompassing and widely touted project, the largest personal and professional investment I've made since the inception of my business, has been cancelled. For a variety of personal/familial/financial reasons, the DEVERES/chelliswilson. partnership is no more. Because the work to come from this endeavor was to be the centerpiece of fall/winter/holiday here in the shop, the repercussions are many. The personal toll has been great. My health, already impacted by a particularly precarious year, presented me with some greater challenges. However, the greatest obstacle to moving positively forward has been the avoidance of work caused by a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach----what will people think? And so, this post is my way of facing the monster in the closet, and regaining my positive perspective. I have some delightful projects of the horizon which I'm excited to report. But I needed to put down this burden first. If this strikes you as "over-sharing", I can only ask for your pardon. If you are rubbing your hands together at my misfortune, well, shame on you. If you are moved to by me a drink, I salute you. Most importantly, I wrote this out of a need to operate in the open, and once having done that, fully re-engage in my most beloved enterprise.

I wrote the bulk of this yesterday, while ensconced at Arabica Coffee. Unfortunately, the afternoon's musical offering could only be described as "Hits of the Seventies", necessitating the use of headphones. As I wrote, I kept listening to the same handful of songs. Here, then, is my mini playlist of catharsis. Shall we call it "Tunes to Expose Oneself By"? Perhaps not. How about "Escaping from The Eagles"? I digress....  Maybe one of you can muster some strength, obtain some comfort from my little aural profile.

I'll start with the highbrow offering: Theodore Roethke set to music. An a cappella tour de force.

everybody loves you here......

This was described to me as "senior angst meets perpetual desire". He only improves with age.

And I thought the originals had the power to break me. Heartbreak with an optimism chaser.

If you made it to the end of this....thank you.  Onward....

1 comment:

  1. i heart inspiration for all things sublime in portland maine.